Friday, September 29, 2006

I hate thinking up titles, so this post doesn't get one.

It's normal to buy wine at 9 a.m., right?

In my own defense, I got on the wrong highway. I was on my way to Wild Oats to buy some very expensive food for my children's special diets (dairy-free, gluten-free, egg-free, dye-free, preservative-free, oh-my-God-shoot-me-now-free), and I turned onto the highway heading north instead of south. So, seeing as I only have 150 minutes from the second I drop Jason off at preschool until I have to pick him up, I was freaking out and cursing like a sailor because I was WASTING PRECIOUS CHILD-FREE TIME. Ever the economizer, I think to myself, "Well, let's see if there's something I can accomplish in the North today, because obviously there is no time for running errands in the South." Aaaaand...BINGO! This is the way to the liquor store! The one that has the cheapest prices for some of my favorite brands of wine! (Ah, what the hell, here's another one.)

I walk into the store, looking Absolut-ly (HA HA!) smashing as I always do at 9 a.m. after dropping off the kids at school. Baggy tee-shirt, yoga pants (I don't do yoga, but I'm all about the stretchy pants of the same name), and hair perfectly finger-combed. (Don't judge me. My kids looked sharp as a whistle this morning, and that always means that I, in turn, look like a homeless person. I cannot make us all look pretty in 1.5 hours. If I look good, they look bad, and it makes me look bad if my kids look bad. So, one of my many sacrifices as a mother has been to accept that I look like crapola in the early morning hours.) (However, I look very much like a S.U.P.E.R.M.O.D.E.L. by the time Paul gets home from work. Go on, ask him, People From Paul's Office. Go! And let me know what he says, so I can beat him over the head with one of these inexpensive bottles of wine that I bought this morning, if necessary.)

Anyway.

Take two: I walk into the store and figure I'll just see what's on sale, seeing as it's the weekend and all and I fully intend to sit back and swill me some vino tonight while re-watching the Lost season finale with my guy, who missed it in June because, um, someone deleted it from Tivo accidentally. DAMN that person!

So.

Take three (follow along, people!): I find some inexpensive-yet-decent wine and get in line at the cash register, and at this point I feel much better about leaving a store carrying alcohol in a brown paper bag at 9 a.m. because the guy in front of me is purchasing a super-size bottle of what looks like generic vodka. You know, the kind that comes with the handy-dandy handle so you can heave it onto your shoulder and balance it there precariously as you huff and puff your way back to your car? Happy Friday, sir!

After giving the cashier the evil eye for not asking me for my I.D. (it is entirely possible for a bedraggled woman with bags under her eyes to be under 21, you discriminatory BITCH), I come home with my unplanned, yet much loved, purchase.

And there you have it. That's all I've got. Colleen has Friday Feast on her blog, and all I offer on mine is...Feeble Fodder Friday. (Tune in next week for more of the same!)

Now you can all go slap yourselves in the head for wasting your time here. Go do something worthwhile, ya buncha bozos.

2 Comments:

Blogger Colleen said...

So, I'm kinda thinking that Miss Karen here had a bit of that wine to drink before she wrote this post. Whattya think?
Karen - you crack me up. Great post.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Twisted Cinderella said...

Love this post! What a riot!

11:23 AM  

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