Sunday, June 25, 2017

Camp crap

(Reposted from July 2006.)

I remember when I used to live for summer. Now summer only means stress, stress, and stress. Followed by a little more stress. I thought this summer would be easier to get through because my oldest son is in a summer school program, and my youngest is going to summer camp three days a week. Three full days. Well, let me tell you something. If anything, things are even crazier this summer. And that's saying a lot because last one was a doozy.

From the moment Jason gets home from camp, the chaos ensues. Who's running around naked while the other one is pulling things out of the cabinets and the phone is ringing while the naked one is pulling all the cushions off the couch and the one with the clothes is thinking about removing his clothing because it looks so freeing and uninhibited to streak around the living room just like his brother! I can't take it when they're doing the streaking thing, because then all kinds of things are bound to happen, like "Drew, I have to pee! Do you have to pee? Let's go pee together! Mommy, we're going to make X's in the toilet!"

I thought maybe sending the little guy to camp would help matters. After some searching, I discovered a wonderful, religious camp. A Jewish Community Camp. Which is perfect for Jason because he was baptized and everything. He even made a friend right away on his first day, which he told me very excitedly when I picked him up. Me: "That's great! What's your friend's name?" Jason, with a huge smile on his dirt-streaked face: "Shalom!"

Oy vey.

But in all seriousness, it is a wonderful camp that welcomes children of all faiths, and the people there are sincerely nice and caring. And they have professed their undying love for my son. To my face. And what mother doesn't instantly bond with anyone who ooh's and aah's over her child? Besides, Jason said they teach him lots of things, like swimming, sports, and art crap. I could only assume he meant "arts and crafts," but I wasn't sure, so I asked, "What's art crap?" He said, "Mommy, it's when you stick things on paper and glue sparkly things on and make designs with stuff! Look, Drew made some art crap, too! (pointing to a paper that Drew had decorated)" I decided that was just too cute to correct, so I let it be. But I guess the camp counselors tried to correct him the next day, because when he came home he said he had a good time in “ARTS AND crap,” with exaggerated facial expressions while enunciating the “arts and.” This didn't strike me as much of an improvement over art crap. But by the end of the first week, he was all about the “ARTS AND CRAFFFSSSS,” with much emphasis on the saliva projection on the “FFFSSSS.” “By Jonah, I think he’s got it!” I thought, as I wiped my face with a tissue.

So, although camp wasn't the answer to quieting the summer craziness, it has at least provided me with some laughs. And Jason is sure having a challah-va time.


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