Foreign exchange
I have had a photocopier/scanner combo for the past year, and for the life of me, I cannot get the scanner to work. It always says that the USB is not connected, but it iiiiiiiiisss. Tired of my whining, a friend came by yesterday to try to help me figure out what’s going on. We Googled some info on the product and came to a page that offered "Online Tech Chat." Very exciting! Nothing makes me happier than not having to use the phone. Well, besides shoes.
I happily type my name and email address into the box and click “Begin Chat.”
Sergio: Hello, Karen. How may I assist you today?
I poke friend and say, “Sergio?? He sounds like a cabana boy! Dare me to ask him what he’s wearing?”
(Friend rolls eyes.)
Me: I have a [company] photocopier/scanner. When I try to scan something, I get a message that says ‘USB not connected.’
“Sergio is typing.”
…8 minutes later, as friend and I alternate between zombie-like staring at the computer screen while waiting for Sergio to STOP the TYPING and discussing what the f*ck Britney Spears is doing NAKED in that VIDEO…
Me, sick of waiting while Sergio presumably pokes keys with big toe at snail-like pace: Are you still there? Just so you know, I’ve checked all connections, and everything is plugged in properly.
“Sergio is typing.”
Me, making sure Sergio knows I don’t have all day for a response: I’m on a Mac, by the way.
Sergio: I thank you deeply for your efforts.
Me, to friend, in a huff: “Is he getting SASSY with me??”
Friend: “Hmm. Maybe he’s just of a different…um, ‘ethnicity,’ and that’s why his wording is coming across…odd.”
Me: “…”
Friend: “Sometimes companies outsource these sorts of things to other countries, like India or Pakistan or wherever.”
Me: “So do you think these big delays that say ‘Sergio is typing’ really translate as ‘Sergio is eating chicken tikka masala’ or ‘Sergio is adjusting his turban’?”
Friend: “Or maybe ‘Sergio is sleeping. It is 2 a.m. in India.’”
Sergio: To rule out other problems, can I ask you to please copy a piece of paper. Place a piece of paper on the screen and press the green button for color copy or the black button for black copy.
Me: Caaaarefully following instructions because WOW! Who knew this photocopier could copy stuff? All those quarters I’ve been wasting at the local library — POOF!
Me: The photocopy function works fine.
Sergio, quickly and with much enthusiasm: This is good to know.
183.2 seconds pass while “Sergio is typing”…not that I’m counting…
Sergio: I must inform you that [company] offers only phone support for Macintosh environment. We would have been very glad to assist you through chat but unfortunately [company] does not offer chat support for this product due to no availability of complete information. Additionally, we are not trained and expertise in resolving the issues with MAC OS. We regret for inconvenience caused and hope you understand our limitations.
Me, to friend, in disgust: “Shouldn’t I have had him at ‘I'm on a Mac’??”
18 minutes pass while Sergio presumably flips through phonebook for support number with his eyelashes…
Me, giving a nudge: Could you point me in the direction of where I could find support for this issue?
Sergio (zzzzzz…wha...?): You can avail complete support on the Macintosh environment through our phone support teams. You can call them @ 800-GO-EFFOFF or 800-696-6969. These service engineers are Macintosh OS specialists and would be able to help you over the phone. This Support is available at the following timings:
27 minutes later, Sergio finds the timings…and also: Bin Laden! But wait, first things first…
Sergio:
* Monday through Friday: 8am-midnight EST
* Saturday: 10am-6pm EST
* Sunday: No support hours.
Me: Great — thank you very much!
Sergio: We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and look forward to assist you. We also offer e-mail support for MAC OS. You can contact our email support at: www.bollywoodmac/curryinahurry.com.
But wait! Apparently, there’s more helpful info on the way because “Sergio is typing”!
Sergio: Do you have any more queries for us?
Me, amazed that it took 6 more minutes to type that question: I think that’s all.
I sit and wait for about 11 more minutes because “Sergio is typing” and, well, you just never know what Sergio is up to...
Sergio: May health and happiness be yours in all seasons.
Me: Yes. You, too. Have good…seasons.
I happily type my name and email address into the box and click “Begin Chat.”
Sergio: Hello, Karen. How may I assist you today?
I poke friend and say, “Sergio?? He sounds like a cabana boy! Dare me to ask him what he’s wearing?”
(Friend rolls eyes.)
Me: I have a [company] photocopier/scanner. When I try to scan something, I get a message that says ‘USB not connected.’
“Sergio is typing.”
…8 minutes later, as friend and I alternate between zombie-like staring at the computer screen while waiting for Sergio to STOP the TYPING and discussing what the f*ck Britney Spears is doing NAKED in that VIDEO…
Me, sick of waiting while Sergio presumably pokes keys with big toe at snail-like pace: Are you still there? Just so you know, I’ve checked all connections, and everything is plugged in properly.
“Sergio is typing.”
Me, making sure Sergio knows I don’t have all day for a response: I’m on a Mac, by the way.
Sergio: I thank you deeply for your efforts.
Me, to friend, in a huff: “Is he getting SASSY with me??”
Friend: “Hmm. Maybe he’s just of a different…um, ‘ethnicity,’ and that’s why his wording is coming across…odd.”
Me: “…”
Friend: “Sometimes companies outsource these sorts of things to other countries, like India or Pakistan or wherever.”
Me: “So do you think these big delays that say ‘Sergio is typing’ really translate as ‘Sergio is eating chicken tikka masala’ or ‘Sergio is adjusting his turban’?”
Friend: “Or maybe ‘Sergio is sleeping. It is 2 a.m. in India.’”
Sergio: To rule out other problems, can I ask you to please copy a piece of paper. Place a piece of paper on the screen and press the green button for color copy or the black button for black copy.
Me: Caaaarefully following instructions because WOW! Who knew this photocopier could copy stuff? All those quarters I’ve been wasting at the local library — POOF!
Me: The photocopy function works fine.
Sergio, quickly and with much enthusiasm: This is good to know.
183.2 seconds pass while “Sergio is typing”…not that I’m counting…
Sergio: I must inform you that [company] offers only phone support for Macintosh environment. We would have been very glad to assist you through chat but unfortunately [company] does not offer chat support for this product due to no availability of complete information. Additionally, we are not trained and expertise in resolving the issues with MAC OS. We regret for inconvenience caused and hope you understand our limitations.
Me, to friend, in disgust: “Shouldn’t I have had him at ‘I'm on a Mac’??”
18 minutes pass while Sergio presumably flips through phonebook for support number with his eyelashes…
Me, giving a nudge: Could you point me in the direction of where I could find support for this issue?
Sergio (zzzzzz…wha...?): You can avail complete support on the Macintosh environment through our phone support teams. You can call them @ 800-GO-EFFOFF or 800-696-6969. These service engineers are Macintosh OS specialists and would be able to help you over the phone. This Support is available at the following timings:
27 minutes later, Sergio finds the timings…and also: Bin Laden! But wait, first things first…
Sergio:
* Monday through Friday: 8am-midnight EST
* Saturday: 10am-6pm EST
* Sunday: No support hours.
Me: Great — thank you very much!
Sergio: We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and look forward to assist you. We also offer e-mail support for MAC OS. You can contact our email support at: www.bollywoodmac/curryinahurry.com.
But wait! Apparently, there’s more helpful info on the way because “Sergio is typing”!
Sergio: Do you have any more queries for us?
Me, amazed that it took 6 more minutes to type that question: I think that’s all.
I sit and wait for about 11 more minutes because “Sergio is typing” and, well, you just never know what Sergio is up to...
Sergio: May health and happiness be yours in all seasons.
Me: Yes. You, too. Have good…seasons.
posted by Karen Tuesday, December 09, 2008
3 Comments:
I think I've called Sergio before!
I hope you got it fixed. I had the same problem with a Lexmark printer. The only way I could get it to recognize that it was plugged in was to shut my computer down, plug it in, then turn it all back on. It was a HUGE pain.
I let Paul handle this one. I couldn't take anymore Sergiosity. Can you imagine how long this would've taken to figure out via EMAIL?? "Sergio is taking a shower."
"Sergio is vacationing in Dubai."
"Sergio's wife is birthing their first child. It's a girl! Sergio must celebrate by taking two weeks off..."
He was probably manning 30 other chat sessions. :-)
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