Things I hate and love and love to hate
Hate:
1. People who stand around the condiment counter at Starbucks chatting with a friend (incidentally, also clogging the area yet with no coffee purchase whatsoever and therefore NO NEED FOR CONDIMENTS) as they slowly remove the covers from their coffee cups and vacantly look around for Sugar? Cocoa powder? Oh, wait, maybe powdered sugar. Hmm. Nutmeg? Oh, silly me! I got whipped cream on my latte so I really don't need anything! Maybe a straw, though. Oh, wait. It's a hot beverage, so maybe a straw isn't necessary. Instead I'll just pull out one napkin from the dispenser at a time until I have, oh, about a week's supply and then sloooooowly put the cover back on my coffee cup and continue my conversation with my coffee-less friend (with the hyena laugh) while ignoring the seething little sweaty woman behind me.
2. People who see you backing out of a parking spot and still insist on walking behind your car as if they have a death wish, and when you don't see them and have to jam on your brakes they yell and shake their fists in fury. Oh, sorry about that. Next time I'll be sure to stop backing out when I see you coming 50 yards away. HEAVEN FORBID YOU SHOULD STOP WALKING FOR FIVE SECONDS.
3. The new self-checkout lanes at the grocery store, which could be a lot of fun if they would stop stopping every three items to tell me to wait for a cashier. Isn't this defeating the whole purpose of SELF-CHECKOUT? After the fourth time it stalled on me today, I expected to see smoke coming out of the top of the computer and to hear the automated voice saying Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Why can't they make computers that work? All I wanted was some green grapes and a box of Lactaid IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
4. The way the sun beating through my car windows makes me nauseatingly hot, yet when I step outside the frigid wind is enough to make me scream. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WEATHER.
5. The fact that the little boy who came to my house today for a playdate felt the need to announce he's allergic to dust. YOU'RE SHIT OUTTA LUCK IN THIS HOUSE, MISTER.
Love:
1. The little one-year-old boy toddling by my car holding his mom's hand and giving me the biggest toothless grin. He must've known I needed it. Also, he had a little fisherman's cap on. Ouch, my ovaries.
Love to hate:
1. Izzie and George slept together. I mean, huh? And a little bit of ew. Mixed with just a dash of hmm.
2. Sanjaya Malakar. As much as I want to strangle this creepy little girlish boy, I am seriously considering trying out that ponyhawk. I mean, how could you possibly stay in a rotten mood and keep a straight face when you keep catching glimpses of yourself with that 'do in the various mirrors of your house?
1. People who stand around the condiment counter at Starbucks chatting with a friend (incidentally, also clogging the area yet with no coffee purchase whatsoever and therefore NO NEED FOR CONDIMENTS) as they slowly remove the covers from their coffee cups and vacantly look around for Sugar? Cocoa powder? Oh, wait, maybe powdered sugar. Hmm. Nutmeg? Oh, silly me! I got whipped cream on my latte so I really don't need anything! Maybe a straw, though. Oh, wait. It's a hot beverage, so maybe a straw isn't necessary. Instead I'll just pull out one napkin from the dispenser at a time until I have, oh, about a week's supply and then sloooooowly put the cover back on my coffee cup and continue my conversation with my coffee-less friend (with the hyena laugh) while ignoring the seething little sweaty woman behind me.
2. People who see you backing out of a parking spot and still insist on walking behind your car as if they have a death wish, and when you don't see them and have to jam on your brakes they yell and shake their fists in fury. Oh, sorry about that. Next time I'll be sure to stop backing out when I see you coming 50 yards away. HEAVEN FORBID YOU SHOULD STOP WALKING FOR FIVE SECONDS.
3. The new self-checkout lanes at the grocery store, which could be a lot of fun if they would stop stopping every three items to tell me to wait for a cashier. Isn't this defeating the whole purpose of SELF-CHECKOUT? After the fourth time it stalled on me today, I expected to see smoke coming out of the top of the computer and to hear the automated voice saying Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Why can't they make computers that work? All I wanted was some green grapes and a box of Lactaid IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
4. The way the sun beating through my car windows makes me nauseatingly hot, yet when I step outside the frigid wind is enough to make me scream. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WEATHER.
5. The fact that the little boy who came to my house today for a playdate felt the need to announce he's allergic to dust. YOU'RE SHIT OUTTA LUCK IN THIS HOUSE, MISTER.
Love:
1. The little one-year-old boy toddling by my car holding his mom's hand and giving me the biggest toothless grin. He must've known I needed it. Also, he had a little fisherman's cap on. Ouch, my ovaries.
Love to hate:
1. Izzie and George slept together. I mean, huh? And a little bit of ew. Mixed with just a dash of hmm.
2. Sanjaya Malakar. As much as I want to strangle this creepy little girlish boy, I am seriously considering trying out that ponyhawk. I mean, how could you possibly stay in a rotten mood and keep a straight face when you keep catching glimpses of yourself with that 'do in the various mirrors of your house?
posted by Karen Friday, March 30, 2007
3 Comments:
So funny. I especially liked "while ignoring the seething little sweaty woman behind me," "Isn't this defeating the whole purpose of SELF CHECKOUT?," and "Ouch, my ovaries."
I don't understand death-wish pedestrians, either. Sometimes it's in a place where they DO have the right of way, but I don't understand why they don't visually verify that the cars involved are paying attention. I mean, I'm sure it'll be an IMMENSE SATISFACTION to them to know they had the right of way when they're a big stain on the pavement.
Sounds like you are having a bad day? Hope it gets better!
I agree with you on almost every word!
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