What the bleep is on Joey's head?
Drew, my six-year-old, got the most recent Nickelback CD for Christmas from his dear, dear aunt (Hi, Jan!). Now, two weeks after Christmas, I can officially say I am sick to death of Nickelback. In fact, I dread bringing him to school because I know what I'm in for on the ride. He knows every track he likes by number ("I want to hear 3!" "Can I hear 5?" "I want to hear 6 again!") Also? Should I be concerned that today I heard him singing "Whadda hoe is a Joey hey?" It's not a big deal, right? I mean, obviously he doesn't know what the words actually are, so... C'mon. Tell me I'm not a bad mom. Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?
The thing is, I don't believe in censorship. I figure the more I coddle my children and cover their ears and eyes, the more these things will be appealing to them as they grow up. I don't want my kids to become teenagers who swear ten times in every sentence and date sleazy girls. To me, the obvious way to avoid this is to let them listen to rap music with explicit lyrics and learn all about the fascination with loose women and drugs and violence right from the get-go so that we can get it out of the way. If I act like it's not a big deal, they won't act like it's a big deal, right? I'm also considering having Porno Night once a week so we can get that out of the way, too.
KIDDING!
Okay, the truth is, I have very few moments when I'm alone in the car and can listen to the music I like. And I don't do Disney music. And I would surely run us all into a tree if I had to listen to the Wiggles. I'd much rather listen to Justin bringing sexy back, or Nellie being promiscuous, or Fergie being fergalicious. I figure, I don't ask for much, and I have to put up with a lot. So what if my four-year-old sings "Smack That" while he's playing with his dinosaurs at preschool? Let's review the lyrics: "Get on the floor" Not bad. "Give me some more" He probably thinks they mean cookies. "'Til you get sore" From chewing. Of course.
I could take a Wiggles song and read something nasty into it, you know. You can't tell me there isn't some hidden meaning behind "The Wiggles Groove." And what about "Nicky Nacky Nocky Noo"? Come on! Those guys are giggling to themselves while they're singing these seemingly G-rated songs! All men really think about is sex, and that's a fact. Are we to believe that they really sat down one day and wrote an entire song about hot potatoes, cold spaghetti, and mashed bananas without having one thought about 9 1/2 Weeks? That's where they got the idea for the song, people! In fact, there's one part in that song where it sounds like there's something missing, and I bet it's where they bleeped out the part about cold ice cubes and erect nipples. They're MEN. This is to be EXPECTED.
There are always correlations between children's songs and "adult songs," anyway. Children join hands and sing Ring Around the Rosy, dancing in a circle and falling to the ground, joyfully laughing. But little do they know that this song is about people dying of the plague. And how the imaginary posies in their imaginary pockets are there to keep away the stench of rotting corpses, because when they "all fall down"? That's when the people keel over and DIE.
And when Fergie struts down that table in her "London Bridge" video wearing a half-open button-down shirt and a pair of underwear with the British flag on the butt, she is doing it for the CHILDREN. So they don't feel left out. They can sing along and think that it's merely the club mix version of "London Bridge is Falling Down," but little do they know Fergie is actually singing about how she wants to drop her panties whenever she sees hot men. (Or, I suppose it could also be interpreted by the children as "I see London, I see France, I see Fergie's underpants.")
Clearly, from early on, the message was that we should all sing together, young and old. And I figure I was stuck singing "I'm a Little Teapot" 42 times a day for what seemed like decades, so I'm thinking it's time for my boys to sing a little 50 Cent "In da Club" with their favorite girl. This will teach them fairness and how to be a team player.
See? I am not a bad mother. I am doing my job as a mother.
Bueller?
Bueller?
The thing is, I don't believe in censorship. I figure the more I coddle my children and cover their ears and eyes, the more these things will be appealing to them as they grow up. I don't want my kids to become teenagers who swear ten times in every sentence and date sleazy girls. To me, the obvious way to avoid this is to let them listen to rap music with explicit lyrics and learn all about the fascination with loose women and drugs and violence right from the get-go so that we can get it out of the way. If I act like it's not a big deal, they won't act like it's a big deal, right? I'm also considering having Porno Night once a week so we can get that out of the way, too.
KIDDING!
Okay, the truth is, I have very few moments when I'm alone in the car and can listen to the music I like. And I don't do Disney music. And I would surely run us all into a tree if I had to listen to the Wiggles. I'd much rather listen to Justin bringing sexy back, or Nellie being promiscuous, or Fergie being fergalicious. I figure, I don't ask for much, and I have to put up with a lot. So what if my four-year-old sings "Smack That" while he's playing with his dinosaurs at preschool? Let's review the lyrics: "Get on the floor" Not bad. "Give me some more" He probably thinks they mean cookies. "'Til you get sore" From chewing. Of course.
I could take a Wiggles song and read something nasty into it, you know. You can't tell me there isn't some hidden meaning behind "The Wiggles Groove." And what about "Nicky Nacky Nocky Noo"? Come on! Those guys are giggling to themselves while they're singing these seemingly G-rated songs! All men really think about is sex, and that's a fact. Are we to believe that they really sat down one day and wrote an entire song about hot potatoes, cold spaghetti, and mashed bananas without having one thought about 9 1/2 Weeks? That's where they got the idea for the song, people! In fact, there's one part in that song where it sounds like there's something missing, and I bet it's where they bleeped out the part about cold ice cubes and erect nipples. They're MEN. This is to be EXPECTED.
There are always correlations between children's songs and "adult songs," anyway. Children join hands and sing Ring Around the Rosy, dancing in a circle and falling to the ground, joyfully laughing. But little do they know that this song is about people dying of the plague. And how the imaginary posies in their imaginary pockets are there to keep away the stench of rotting corpses, because when they "all fall down"? That's when the people keel over and DIE.
And when Fergie struts down that table in her "London Bridge" video wearing a half-open button-down shirt and a pair of underwear with the British flag on the butt, she is doing it for the CHILDREN. So they don't feel left out. They can sing along and think that it's merely the club mix version of "London Bridge is Falling Down," but little do they know Fergie is actually singing about how she wants to drop her panties whenever she sees hot men. (Or, I suppose it could also be interpreted by the children as "I see London, I see France, I see Fergie's underpants.")
Clearly, from early on, the message was that we should all sing together, young and old. And I figure I was stuck singing "I'm a Little Teapot" 42 times a day for what seemed like decades, so I'm thinking it's time for my boys to sing a little 50 Cent "In da Club" with their favorite girl. This will teach them fairness and how to be a team player.
See? I am not a bad mother. I am doing my job as a mother.
posted by Karen Monday, January 08, 2007
3 Comments:
See, Hollie? We really need to live near each other because we have far too much in common! Too funny about the BEP-Filipino connection. I often think of you when I listen to them because of that!
Laugh. Ing.
I was listening to Blink-182 in the car, and my kids were requesting specific tracks, and I was wondering how long until they would understand those lyrics. Then I thought, "It did me no good in high school when I had to ask someone what '69' meant. My mom probably could have let me listen to something other than Air Supply without me being damaged."
Swistle, I totally agree! Our parents went through all that trouble to filter what we watched and listened to for NOTHING. ;)
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