Re-treating
The best part of Halloween is — let's face it — the candy. And I'm not talking about the Jolly Ranchers or the mysterious Tootsie Rolls that taste like they're made of wax or the damn Dots and Laffy Taffy that rip your fillings out. The only reason kids under the age of 14 like those disgusting candies is because their taste buds are clearly not yet sophisticated enough to fully enjoy CHOCOLATE. That appreciation only comes with maturity.
But this is good news for the adults! We make big to-do's about all of the Mike & Ikes and other crap in our kids' treat bags just to distract them from the yummy goodness that their brains are not quite ready to embrace yet. "Oh, look! You got Gummy Lifesavers!" *waving the package with one hand as a distraction while snagging some Hershey's Kissables with the other* I think I've also said things like, "Wow, you're a lucky boy! Look at all of these lollipops!" *doing a one-handed Vanna White impression while using the other hand to secure a mini KitKat*
Almost as much fun as stealing chocolate from my kids is the satisfaction of re-treating the Crappy Candy to the kids with the lousy costumes. I have the Re-treating System down pat: I send the kids out trick-or-treating early, bang out about 12-15 houses (they can't take much more, as their legs are short and tire easily), and rummage through the loot as soon as they get back (see above thieving tactics). As one adult greets trick-or-treaters at the door, the Crappy Candy Thief slips up behind the Greeter, nudges him/her while putting Crappy Candy into Basket of Good Candy, and whispers something like, "The one on the right with the lame mask," and the Greeter re-treats a 12-year-old Michael Myers. See? Everyone's happy. This continues until I am left with 98% chocolate in the kids' treat bags.
Two weeks later, I'm accusing the dryer for the shrinkage of my clothes. And that's when I make up big bags of Sort-of-Good Candy for people to take to work — the stuff that didn't make the cut, like the Baby Ruths, the Whoppers, and the Butterfingers. And eventually our clothes stretch out again. Voila!
But this is good news for the adults! We make big to-do's about all of the Mike & Ikes and other crap in our kids' treat bags just to distract them from the yummy goodness that their brains are not quite ready to embrace yet. "Oh, look! You got Gummy Lifesavers!" *waving the package with one hand as a distraction while snagging some Hershey's Kissables with the other* I think I've also said things like, "Wow, you're a lucky boy! Look at all of these lollipops!" *doing a one-handed Vanna White impression while using the other hand to secure a mini KitKat*
Almost as much fun as stealing chocolate from my kids is the satisfaction of re-treating the Crappy Candy to the kids with the lousy costumes. I have the Re-treating System down pat: I send the kids out trick-or-treating early, bang out about 12-15 houses (they can't take much more, as their legs are short and tire easily), and rummage through the loot as soon as they get back (see above thieving tactics). As one adult greets trick-or-treaters at the door, the Crappy Candy Thief slips up behind the Greeter, nudges him/her while putting Crappy Candy into Basket of Good Candy, and whispers something like, "The one on the right with the lame mask," and the Greeter re-treats a 12-year-old Michael Myers. See? Everyone's happy. This continues until I am left with 98% chocolate in the kids' treat bags.
Two weeks later, I'm accusing the dryer for the shrinkage of my clothes. And that's when I make up big bags of Sort-of-Good Candy for people to take to work — the stuff that didn't make the cut, like the Baby Ruths, the Whoppers, and the Butterfingers. And eventually our clothes stretch out again. Voila!
posted by Karen Wednesday, November 01, 2006
8 Comments:
LOL!
ha! Only I like Laffy Taffy...go figure, huh?
Well, Jana, you Southerners also eat turducken, so I'm not surprised. ;)
LOL LOL!
I love to re-treat! I wonder how much longer our kids will let us get away with it?
You'd be surprised at the some of the stuff that is eaten down here.......
My kids are the same way about what they like! I have siphoned off 75% of their candy - taken most to work and hidden a bag of the stuff we really like behind the flashlight in a cabinet!
retreating is the best. But we still have so much left! but, um. I like all that laffy taffy type stuff too. Don't get me wrong I *LOVE* chocolate, I just like the other stuffs too.
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