Thursday, September 07, 2006

Optimism and Pessimism

[For the SNL fans, you can add your own Debbie-Downer "bwaah-bwaaaaaaahhh..." sound after the "Me" responses.]

Him: "We should go to the beach next weekend with the kids."
Me: "It's probably going to rain. It always rains on the weekend when we want to go somewhere. Why bother?"

Him: "Did you notice how well the flowers that I planted filled in?"
Me: "Yeah. But now they look like they're covering a casket."
(Okay. But they do. I mean...come on. Doesn't that picture reek of cemetary?)

Him: "It's such a nice day. We should eat dinner out on the deck tonight. What do you think?"
Me: "Have you ever heard of Triple E? Call me crazy, but I'd rather reduce my risk of death by 100% and eat at the dining room table."

Him: "I'm looking forward to Christmas this year! Aren't you?"
Me: "I don't know how we're going to pay for all the presents. We'll probably have to take out a loan this year."

Him: "I can't believe how grown up Drew is starting to look!"
Me: "I know. His whole babyhood was a blur. I miss him being a baby. He was such a cute baby, but he doesn't look like a baby at all anymore. Even Jason doesn't look like a baby anymore. It gives me this sick feeling in my stomach whenever I think about not having anymore babies. Can we talk about something else?"

*Paul begins to play pretend Russian roulette with his thumb and forefinger*

Him: "It's starting to feel like fall. I love the crisp air, walking in the crunchy leaves, going apple-picking. I think it's my favorite season of the year!"
Me: "Shit it's getting cold. I hate wearing jackets."

Him: "Wow, you look fantastic tonight!"
Me: "Really? Because I feel fat. Do I look fat in this? Maybe I should change. I hope you'd tell me if you think what I'm wearing is unflattering. You would, right?"
Him: "..."
Me: "I look terrible, I know. I can see it on your face. I'll go find something else to wear."

*Paul shoots self with real gun this time*

*I can't hear gunshot because I'm busy slamming dresser drawers upstairs, whining, "I NEVER have ANYTHING to WEAR! I'm so SICK of this!!!"*

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol

It doesn't look like a casket.

4:30 PM  

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