My teeth are clean, and so is my bathroom

Paul wanted one of those electric toothbrushes for his birthday, and lucky me, it came in a two-pack! I just tried mine for the first time today. I'm thinking I should've looked at the directions first ("directions? for brushing your teeth? HA!" said I). Apparently there must be some mention of when exactly to press the button, and I'm thinking it's not until after you've already brushed a bit pre-buzz and gooshed the toothpaste around so it's not just, say, balancing on the bristles when the action begins. Why do I think this? Because I applied the toothpaste to the brush, pressed the button, and off flew the toothpaste with amazing propeller-like speed. It circled around my head a few times and finally landed on the toilet seat. Oops.

So, still refusing to look at the directions (I mean, give me a BREAK), I reapply the toothpaste and do the heretofore assumed preliminary brushing and THEN turn the thing on, and I immediately begin to dry heave violently from the unbearable tickling sensation. Eyes tearing and gag reflex in full swing, I open my mouth to get my back teeth and commence to spray the ENTIRE BATHROOM AND MYSELF with toothpaste spit. It was EV. REE. WHERE. Lovely. (It's worth noting that toothpaste in the eyes? Burns. BADLY.)

So, although I did have to spend 20 minutes afterwards cleaning the spittle off of absolutely everything, my teeth feel awesomely clean (see? I didn't need DIRECTIONS!)! I think this toothbrush is going to be gathering dust in the back of the vanity fantastic! Life-changing! JUST. SWELL.