It's a good thing I'm so organized

Today was Jason's first day of preschool. The "day" began with Jason awakening at 1:32 a.m., clutching his blue blankie and standing next to my side of the bed snuffling and sighing and finally "AHEM!"ing loudly until Paul and I finally responded with a deeply concerned, "WHY ARE YOU OUT OF BED??" Jason: "I saw something at my door and I was scared!" Paul, ever the comforting father: "It was probably a shadow. Just go back to bed." Jason, in a shaky voice: "I don't want to! I saw something!" Me, ever the comforting mother: "GO BACK TO BED." (In my own defense, I had been in a deep sleep and was only half awake. Otherwise, I would've said, "PLEASE GO BACK TO BED"..."HONEY"..."OKAY?")

I lie completely still and hold my breath. Paul lies completely still and holds his breath. Paul finally caves and hauls himself out of bed, throwing me a look of utter disgust (I can see this from behind my eyelids). "Come on," he says to Jay. "I'll show you there's nothing to be afraid of." That's the last thing I remember, so I'm assuming it went well.

6:00 a.m.: "GOOD MORNING, MOMMY!" There he is again, next to my bed, like a permanent fixture. Fine. We go downstairs. Where it's so early, I figure I have plenty of time to laze around and drink coffee for awhile. Surely a full hour will be adequate time to get both kids ready for school, even if I need extra time to take pictures of Jason in his going-back-to-school outfit before we leave.

As usual, however, there is the slow buildup of chaos as we approach 8:20, which is when we should be leaving the house.

7:20: I decided, well, I probably should start getting us organized. I promptly realize I don't know where Jason's backpack is.

7:30: Found it. Open it to reveal information papers that really should've been filled out and sent to school with him today. Oh, well. It can wait until tomorrow.

7:35: Scrub dirt spots off backpack. Totally forgot that it was dirty from summer camp. Lovely.

7:40: Realize I don't have a new lunchbox for Jason. I have to use the old, ripped one from last year. How embarrassing! Oh, well. I'll look for one on eBay today.

7:45: Begin packing lunchboxes and backpacks.

7:55: Declare backpacks complete and set them by the door.

8:00: Realize I need to send an extra set of clothes and underwear for Jason. Empty and repack his backpack with new items.

8:05: Give the boys breakfast. They kept saying they weren't hungry before, so I almost forgot to feed them. It's their fault, not mine.

8:10: Find homework(!)in Drew's backpack that needs to be done in, oh, the next ten minutes.

8:12-8:14: Drew does homework.

8:15: Get them both dressed in between reminding them to hurry up and eat.

8:20 (which is when we should be leaving): Realize Drew's fingernails need to be cut. I CANNOT send him to school with icky fingernails. I quickly cut them.

8:23: Drew announces he has to go to the bathroom. Fantastic.

8:25: Grab camera and have Jason pose at front door. He smiles. I press button. Nothing. "Low battery." The story of my life. Run down the basement to get spare batteries.

8:28: Take picture and am thrilled that I get a couple of really cute shots...but then immediately want to kill someone when I realize that the shots are blurry. Some sort of setting is off on the damn camera. Resolve to kill whoever messed with it. Too late to figure out what's wrong, so the pictures will have to do.

8:32: Realize I'm, um, not dressed. And I haven't brushed my teeth. How did I miss this?

8:35: Dressed in sweats and armed with a headband and breath mints, I am ready to roll.

8:36: Guide the sloth-like children out the front door ("Come on! Hell-Ooooo!!! While we're young, please!") Slam door with flourish. I should know by now that the Flourished Door Slam is always immediately followed by the exclamation, "SHIT, I forgot my keys! Now we're really going to be late!" This is exactly why we keep a spare key hidden outside...in a tree. Or something. (As if I'd tell you all where it's really hidden. What do you think, I'm an idiot? Clearly this post proves that I am NOT.)

8:40: We're finally on our way, just barely avoiding the dreaded Walk of Shame to the office to sign Drew in late. Whew.

8:50: Jason arrives at school, on time. See? I KNEW I could pull it off in an hour. I always amaze myself at how I work well under pressure.

9:02: Arrive home. Vomit. Fling myself into a chair. Sob quietly in relief. You know, the usual.

But I think I do get extra points for Best Dressed Preschool Boy Ever.

I could've eaten him right up this morning, including those cute little Buster Brown shoes. I might suck at life in general, but damn I'm good at dressing my kids.