Gag me with a cashew
Because I happen to be eating cashews. And I am watching America's Got Talent. And guess what? America is pretty much not talented. At all.
Every night during this time of the year known as Grey's Anatomy and Lost Are Not On For Three Months, I seem to be stuck watching stupid shows because there's NOTHING ON. But this show takes the cake. A man with horns strategically placed on various parts of his body, tooting them to the tune of America the Beautiful. A man pulling birds (apparently dipped in fluorescent green food dye) out of his coat, shirt, and, seemingly, his ass. A 72-year-old "rapping granny" who couldn't have won a karaoke competition at the senior center, yet the judges commented that "Rapping Granny really knows how to wow the crowd! And she can really RAP!" Are they shitting me? They would give a million dollars to this woman and proclaim her a "Superstar"? Is someone really going to give her a record deal? SHE WAS WEARING A HOUSEDRESS. AND ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.
Okay, now a man is juggling candelabras (candelabrae?) -- WHILE LIT -- to the tune of "Tequila." I can only assume the song is a reference to what was coursing through his veins while dreaming up this idiotic act. A judge's comment: "You know what? That wasn't bad!" Well, I've made a so-so meatloaf and spot-cleaned my floor, and I don't see anyone offering me a million dollars for pulling it off. Candelabra Guy's plea to the audience at home: "Hey, everyone! I didn't drop anything, so vote for me!" while clasping his hands in prayer. I mean, does this guy think he's going to be performing in Vegas if he wins?
Oh. My. God. Is it September yet? I need me some Grey's Anatomy. And Lost. And The Office. I like to look forward to sitting my butt down at night for hours at a time and watching some quality t.v. Because that's what one does when one has nothing exciting going on in one's life.
Oh, wait. Now there are transvestites doing a dance routine on stilts. Gotta run.
Every night during this time of the year known as Grey's Anatomy and Lost Are Not On For Three Months, I seem to be stuck watching stupid shows because there's NOTHING ON. But this show takes the cake. A man with horns strategically placed on various parts of his body, tooting them to the tune of America the Beautiful. A man pulling birds (apparently dipped in fluorescent green food dye) out of his coat, shirt, and, seemingly, his ass. A 72-year-old "rapping granny" who couldn't have won a karaoke competition at the senior center, yet the judges commented that "Rapping Granny really knows how to wow the crowd! And she can really RAP!" Are they shitting me? They would give a million dollars to this woman and proclaim her a "Superstar"? Is someone really going to give her a record deal? SHE WAS WEARING A HOUSEDRESS. AND ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.
Okay, now a man is juggling candelabras (candelabrae?) -- WHILE LIT -- to the tune of "Tequila." I can only assume the song is a reference to what was coursing through his veins while dreaming up this idiotic act. A judge's comment: "You know what? That wasn't bad!" Well, I've made a so-so meatloaf and spot-cleaned my floor, and I don't see anyone offering me a million dollars for pulling it off. Candelabra Guy's plea to the audience at home: "Hey, everyone! I didn't drop anything, so vote for me!" while clasping his hands in prayer. I mean, does this guy think he's going to be performing in Vegas if he wins?
Oh. My. God. Is it September yet? I need me some Grey's Anatomy. And Lost. And The Office. I like to look forward to sitting my butt down at night for hours at a time and watching some quality t.v. Because that's what one does when one has nothing exciting going on in one's life.
Oh, wait. Now there are transvestites doing a dance routine on stilts. Gotta run.
posted by Karen Wednesday, July 26, 2006
5 Comments:
Karen, we watched a bit of that too. Gag me is putting it mildly! And then I had to see aging-badly David Hasselhoff too (and perhaps the problem is, being talent-less, how would he know it if he saw it!).
I know, I especially loved when he told the 12-year-old singer that she was "a little pitchy." Since when does he have a music background?
Oops. Missed that show! But your "replay" was fabulously entertaining!
I'll have you know David Hasselhoff is a huge singing star in Germany (you don't know how badly I wish I was kidding, but I'm not).
Jana sent me over. :) I'm loving your take on things.
Seriously?! That is hysterical!
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