The one where I suck as a friend.
So, Paul and I had yet another date -- the second weekend in a row! We're on a roll! The way we justify it is that we haven't been able to take a real vacation this summer, so we deserve to spend a little extra money. That, and the fact that the 11:15 a.m. showing of Talladega Nights was only five dollars.
This is also the second weekend in a row that we hated the movie we chose. I know, I know. Commence the throwing of the rotten produce. Everything I've heard about this movie has been positive, particularly from readers of this blog. But I have to admit I felt like I was watching a bizarre Saturday Night Live skit that just plain wasn't working FOR TWO HOURS. After rolling our eyes at each other in disgust for the tenth time in five minutes, Paul and I whispered to each other, in unison, "Wanna go?" And we bolted out of the theater, screaming, "I want to go FAST!"* After our escape, we tapped our fists together and exclaimed, "SHAKE AND BAKE, BABY!!!"** And then we went to get a pizza.
It soon became apparent that we had chosen the wrong restaurant. As soon as we sat down in our booth, Paul ducked for cover and started talking softly with his chin practically resting on the table. I suddenly realized that either (a) Paul had seen some Suspicious Activity at the bar, such as someone opening a bottle of white zinfandel (with plans to SERVE it to someone who might - gasp! - DRINK it!), or (b) our afternoon date was in danger of being interrupted by Friends We Haven't Seen for Awhile. I immediately put on a baseball cap and these. And we spent the first half of our meal talking on the down low, hands covering the sides of our faces, and side-glancing at the table where our friends were seated. It's not that we don't like these friends, it's just that we're really stingy with our time. We figured we went there to spend some time together, and we weren't about to get sucked into a conversation with people we haven't talked to in awhile and miss out on our precious alone time. Basically, we're snobs.
Finally, the friends left. (Can I still call them friends at this point? Probably not.) Exactly five minutes later, another long-lost friend came in with her husband and kids. How freaking annoying is THAT? More ducking. More inconspicuous disguises. Again with the shifty-eyed conversations. Twice they got up to go to the restroom and had to walk past our table. TWICE. At these nerve-wracking moments, I would start talking loudly in Spanish so as to be even more convincing that of course they shouldn't bother looking in our direction because they don't know anyone who speaks Spanish! The first time one of them went by, I nervously spouted, ¿Cuya idea era de venir a este restaurante?*** The second time, I loudly stated, ¡Maldígale para sugerir la pizza!**** It was not a relaxing lunch. It was very, very tense.
Why am I like this? I don't know when it happened that I became a snob, but I've noticed that over the years the joy of seeing old friends in public places has been replaced with horror and disgust. The nerve of these people, showing up in places where I want to be. Infringing on my private time. Bastards, all of them.
I'm just kidding, though. It really depends on my mood, whether I'm happy to encounter old acquaintances or not. Most of the time I'm quite pleased and rather friendly! Really! Except for the times that I'm not.
I'm already showing signs of becoming a crotchety, bitter old woman, aren't I? Well, at least I know Paul is also showing signs of becoming a crotchety, bitter old man. So we can be crotchety and bitter together when we're old. Because Lord knows we will probably only have each other after this post.
________________________________________
*If you have not seen the movie, you will not get this.
**See above.
***"Whose idea was it to come to this restaurant?"
****"Damn you for wanting pizza!"
This is also the second weekend in a row that we hated the movie we chose. I know, I know. Commence the throwing of the rotten produce. Everything I've heard about this movie has been positive, particularly from readers of this blog. But I have to admit I felt like I was watching a bizarre Saturday Night Live skit that just plain wasn't working FOR TWO HOURS. After rolling our eyes at each other in disgust for the tenth time in five minutes, Paul and I whispered to each other, in unison, "Wanna go?" And we bolted out of the theater, screaming, "I want to go FAST!"* After our escape, we tapped our fists together and exclaimed, "SHAKE AND BAKE, BABY!!!"** And then we went to get a pizza.
It soon became apparent that we had chosen the wrong restaurant. As soon as we sat down in our booth, Paul ducked for cover and started talking softly with his chin practically resting on the table. I suddenly realized that either (a) Paul had seen some Suspicious Activity at the bar, such as someone opening a bottle of white zinfandel (with plans to SERVE it to someone who might - gasp! - DRINK it!), or (b) our afternoon date was in danger of being interrupted by Friends We Haven't Seen for Awhile. I immediately put on a baseball cap and these. And we spent the first half of our meal talking on the down low, hands covering the sides of our faces, and side-glancing at the table where our friends were seated. It's not that we don't like these friends, it's just that we're really stingy with our time. We figured we went there to spend some time together, and we weren't about to get sucked into a conversation with people we haven't talked to in awhile and miss out on our precious alone time. Basically, we're snobs.
Finally, the friends left. (Can I still call them friends at this point? Probably not.) Exactly five minutes later, another long-lost friend came in with her husband and kids. How freaking annoying is THAT? More ducking. More inconspicuous disguises. Again with the shifty-eyed conversations. Twice they got up to go to the restroom and had to walk past our table. TWICE. At these nerve-wracking moments, I would start talking loudly in Spanish so as to be even more convincing that of course they shouldn't bother looking in our direction because they don't know anyone who speaks Spanish! The first time one of them went by, I nervously spouted, ¿Cuya idea era de venir a este restaurante?*** The second time, I loudly stated, ¡Maldígale para sugerir la pizza!**** It was not a relaxing lunch. It was very, very tense.
Why am I like this? I don't know when it happened that I became a snob, but I've noticed that over the years the joy of seeing old friends in public places has been replaced with horror and disgust. The nerve of these people, showing up in places where I want to be. Infringing on my private time. Bastards, all of them.
I'm just kidding, though. It really depends on my mood, whether I'm happy to encounter old acquaintances or not. Most of the time I'm quite pleased and rather friendly! Really! Except for the times that I'm not.
I'm already showing signs of becoming a crotchety, bitter old woman, aren't I? Well, at least I know Paul is also showing signs of becoming a crotchety, bitter old man. So we can be crotchety and bitter together when we're old. Because Lord knows we will probably only have each other after this post.
________________________________________
*If you have not seen the movie, you will not get this.
**See above.
***"Whose idea was it to come to this restaurant?"
****"Damn you for wanting pizza!"
posted by Karen Sunday, August 20, 2006
6 Comments:
I don't think that is sucking as a friend it is just that sometimes you just want to spend time together away from everyone else.
I know the feeling. I do the same thing at the store. Act aloof and hope the person I just saw didn't see me. Sometimes I just don't feel like being friendly!!
And that's amazing that you were able to find those disguises so quickly. I have that same Mardi Gras mask for bedroom use and you wouldn't believe how long it took to find it......;)
Oh, I just happened to have those disguises in my Vera Bradley bag. You never know when you're going to encounter one of those pesky old friends.
I do the same thing! Doesn't make you a bad friend though. I think we all have those days!
A date two weekends in a row? Wow.
I avoid people all the time and I don't even feel bad about it. How bad is that?
I know, I wonder if Leigh is thinking, "Hmmm...have we gone to a pizza restaurant lately?"
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